The Sixth Companion
by ParodyPassion
Summary: This is a stupid story that most of you will not find amusing. It may offend some readers, and unless you have played both Oblivion and Skyrim, you will not understand some parts. Rated T for "Totally Wicked"


The Six Followers

Seven different beings, with seven different personalities and seven different goals walked into Rifton one day for a few gallons of the best Black-Brior mead in Skyrim.

Zorah walked into the Bee and Barb, and began chatting with the Argonian barmaid.

"Well, a fine day to go thieving, isn't it?" She said, grinning.

"Get out of here thieves guild! You already threatened me once, I don't want you to be stealing from me as well!"

"Wow, you a stupid hoe…" Zorah muttered, and walked back over to the six followers.

Cicero, a crazy jester who also went by The Fool of Hearts, walked over to the Argonian as well.

"Madness is merry and merriment's might, when the jester comes calling with his knife in the night!" He sang, bouncing up and down on the counter.

"Guards! There's a fag in my bar!" She screamed, oblivious to the fact that Cicero was now mooning her.

Meanwhile, Esbern – the old, crotchety asshole with a hearing problem – went over to a mercenary, and handed him six Giant's toes.

"I'll hire you!" he said, looking at the wall.

"Sir, I require gold coins. And I'm over here." He said, dropping the giant's toes on the floor.

"Ah, yes, silly me!" Esbern reached into his pocket and pulled out two septims. "There you are sonny!"

"Hey, old man," Zorah called, "stop molesting the merc and get over here!"

"See you around…" Esbern winked at the man, who was now eating the Giant's toes.

That's when Lucien – also known as the Spectral Assassin, or Pedo – walked over to Sapphire, a thief who likes to be a bitch to people.

"Have you heard the tale of Mathiue Bellamont, and the great treachery of Cheydinhal?"

Sapphire simply flipped him off and walked away, with Lucien trailing behind her.

Delphine, the only sane one of the bunch, started taking her clothes off, and then ran around outside making sure to waggle her boobs at every passer-by around.

"Whoo!" she yelled at Maven Black-Brior's crotch.

She also ran into the Jarl's house, screaming about dragons to the Jarl's son.

He was busy checking out her ass.

Back in the Bee and Barb, Zorah's faithful steed Shadowmere ate one of the patrons.

"Help! My pubes are on FIRE!" Another one called out. "HELP ME!"

Shadowmere ate him as well, to relieve him of the pain.

Suddenly, total chaos erupted. The guards came in, brandishing loaves of bread while the tables came to life and began dancing.

"I'M SO GHETTO!" Sapphire called out.

Esbern attacked the merc from before, making sure to take his pants in the process. He flung the Nord's pants around and ran outside to put them on Delphine's head.

Lucien was eating the last of the Giant's toes when Vicente Valtieri ran in.

"You died! My Silcencer KILLED you!" Lucien pointed at him, screaming.

"Well I'm BACK BITCH!" He yelled, and proceeded to punch Lucien in the face. Soon, everyone else from the ancient days of the Cheydinhal sanctuary ran in; Ocheeva, Gogron- Gro Balmog, Tienaava, Mraaj-Dar, Telaendril, and even Anotinetta Marie.

"I FEEL SO ALIVE!" They shouted in unison, and began attacking everyone in sight.

That's when the patrons ran for cover in the basement, all except for Sapphire, who was still flipping Lucien off.

Brynjolf, leader of the Thieves Guild (because Zorah was too lazy to be its leader) barged in with the rest of the Thieves' Guild behind him.

"I WASN'T INVITED!?" He yelled, and began charging the assassins, be them dead, alive, or undead.

That's when the Grey Fox came in, with only his underwear and in all his glory.

"I'M THE GAY FOX"

Everyone stopped what they were doing, and stared at him.

"We already knew you were gay…" they all mumbled.

The Grey Fox then fell over, because Armaund Christophe pushed him.

"I'M GAY TOO!"

"ARMAUND!" Lucien screamed, and ran over to hug his best enemy.

"YOU CHEATER!" Lucien and Armaund turned around, only to see Hieronymus Lex and Adamus Phillida standing there, glaring at them.

The rest of the thieves' guild flew in, which included only the important people; Amusei.

"I joined the Guild! I finally joined the Guild!" Amusei cheered. His victory was short-lived however, because right then an Oblivion Gate opened up and ate his penis.

"I'M NOTHING ANYMORE!" He yelled, and cried.

The guards then ran over to the two Guilds with there bread at hand, and began beating them.

"Stoooooop!" Brynjolf whined. Come on everyone, let's go to the Ragged Flagon. The _cool_ people go there!"

Everyone then walked out, except the guards and anyone who was there prior to when the maniacs walked in.

They all got outside when all of a sudden-

ZZZ

"Cicero?" Zorah walked over to the jester. He was scribbling madly on a few pieces of paper for about an hour now. "What are you doing?"

"Writing a fanfiction, Listener! It's just marvelous!

"Can I read it?"

"NO! IT'S NOT FINISHED!" he screamed, and pulled out his dagger.

"Calm down, I'll just read it when you're done."

"…Okay!" Cicero smiled and sat back down, continuing with his writing.

ZZZ

So, now you all ask yourselves. Who was Zorah's sixth companion on the trip?

There was:

-Lucien Lachance

-Cicero

-Delphine

-Esbern

-Shadowmere

Why, it is I, THE PRINCE OF CHEESE!

And… Madness…


End file.
